GOP Debuts Rap Single To Appeal To a New Demographic Nobody Will Reveal

Big Boehn on Meet the Press

WASHINGTON, D.C.––In a surprise move to target a new demographic, the GOP released a rap single March 18 titled, “Obama Better Have My Money.” This shocked onlookers, who expected the GOP to release an a capella single of The Black Keys’ “Tighten Up.” The a capella was initially supposed to capture the votes of 11 to 14-year-old girls and middle-aged gays, but a GOP strategist decided to appeal to rap listeners.

“Obama Better Have My Money” is the first single released from Rick “$limy” Santorum‘s new record label, Maximum Profit Records. “Yo, we really excited about this monumental step the GOP is taking to better synergizzle with ethni––a new demographic.” $limy stumbled before saying anything about which demographic they are attempting to reach. 

John “Big Boehn” Boehner is credited for writing most of the lyrics. Some are quite profane, but Big Boehn thinks they will help reach out to the new demographic. Lines such as, “I speak from the heart; the heart of 'Merica. Don’t try ta' stop me, I’ll deny healthcare from yo bottom bitch Erica.” And, “I came from the upper-middle, but my ma raised me right. Taught me about all tha goods. Taught me how to golf when I's jus’ five; Tiger Woods.”

Controversially, tax payer’s dollars have been used to fund this project. The GOP claims it is justified by how well they will balance the budget after “Obama Better Have My Money” appeals to the new demographic and gets more GOP members elected to office. Paul “P-Rex” Ryan agrees with this claim, and has reportedly factored the GOP’s single into his plan for the next Congressional budget. -D.F.