Bill Clinton Uses Penis As Paintbrush

            Following Bill Clinton’s presidency and scandal with the infamous Monica Lewinsky, he has now shifted his efforts to more artistic endeavors. Yes, the politician has many hobbies, and recently was quoted on saying to the press that, “You’d be surprised with the intricate brush stroke a penis can produce”.

"I did not have sexual relations with that canvas."

More than anything, at least the public can be assured that the former charismatic president still has his phallus intact after enduring a grueling 38 years of marriage to Hilary Clinton. When Hilary was asked about Bill’s new hobby, she laughed heartily and proclaimed, “Oh, Bill’s penis art? It’s a good way to avoid having sex with him these days, so, I let him do it.” She followed that up by admitting that, “his best painting yet is one of me, it’s a surrealist one, depicting me sitting in a chair with Bill’s tiny grape testicles in my hand, and I like it.”  I’m not so sure the rest of the United States might like it, possibly because that has probably happened before, and because the truth of the matter is that Hilary’s dick is definitely bigger than Bill’s. How often do you think they compare?  

            Even more interestingly, former president Clinton has said that this new hobby of his was introduced to him by George W. Bush, and Bush states that they have practiced drawing and painting differing fruits and objects such as, “melons, grapes, and bananas” as it allows them to pay attention to detail and how not to fuck up foreign policy. It’s still puzzlement that gay marriage has not been legalized. I guess it’s only alright to be homosexual if you’re a former president and paint with your penis. 

- A.S.