North Korean leader Kim Jong-un reportedly folded and released a paper airplane at 9:15 p.m. EST. The origami flying object was released into an eastward wind with hopes of hitting the US.
The plane reportedly flew approximately 15 feet from its release point just outside Pyongyang before doing one of those lame spiral plummet maneuvers poorly constructed paper airplanes do.
“Currently, there’s not much North Korean can do that will surprise us,” said US Secretary of Defense, Chuck Hagel. “They could’ve at least looked up how to fold a damn paper airplane. Bring it on bitches.” Hagel then began chanting, “USA USA USA,” marking the end of his interview.
At this time, there is no report of an imminent danger to the US or US territories. The flight is believed to have been a test. However, it is advised residents of Guam and Hawaii secure their rocks and arm themselves with scissors in fear of a potential incoming paper strike.
This is a developing story, please check back frequently as it unfolds. -D.F.
Lmbo! Sharpen your rocks!
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