Congress Approval Rating Spikes After American Public Realizes All They Need is Moral Support

After realizing it was being totally uncool and too demanding, the American public has increased its approval of Congress in an attempt to boost morale and get them to fix the cluster fuck they’ve created. Following a dismal 15 percent approval rating this January, the number of Americans in favor of what Congress is doing shot up 73 points to an unprecedented 88 percent. 

Congress deciding between TGI Friday's or Outback Steakhouse for lunch.

“I was really disappoint in the American public for being so antagonistic. After we help ourselves, the rest of America is our first priority.” said Congressman, Jeff Miller (R-FL). “We just need some support that’s all, and now that we have that support, I’m super motivated to get something useful accomplished.”

Up until the shift in approval, Congress had done essentially nothing right according to 85 percent of Americans. After shooting down mild gun control acts and allowing CISPA to make it through to be killed by the Senate, Congress has really seemed to not be giving a flying fuck about what everyone thought. 

“The way this country works is so bipartisan it makes me sick. It’s us against them out there: Congress against the American public,” said Congresswoman, Carolyn Maloney (D-NY). “I’m happy the American people stopped being such a nuisance. They’re making it really difficult for us.” -D.F.