In recent interesting news, it has been announced
that TSA and general airports and their security will allow knives of certain
lengths on planes now. Following numerous terrorist attacks, the rationale
behind allowing the small knives is that, “Now, people will be able to protect
themselves from the terrorists with guns, when they are on the planes”, said
TSA, Jason Traxton.
This news
could not come at a better time following the failure to pass the gun control
bill. It’s rumored that knives are making a huge comeback. Following up with
this, with the addition of the small knives being allowed on the plane, TSA has
announced that sporks are no longer allowed anywhere in airports or on planes.
Why? They state that it’s “just a bad version of a knife”, but it’s a spoon and
fork, isn’t it? Gotta love the U.S.A
Terrorists
everywhere have heard about the recent news and are constructing incredibly
lethal pocketknives which they don’t even have to hide in their turbans
anymore. It’s so lovely that everyone can just be openly violent now. Let’s
hope there will be security on the planes, it’s not like anyone wants air
travel to be anymore dangerous than it is.
In
addition, TSA has also added one liquid to the list of things you can now bring
on the plane, Kool-Aid. Any amount or size, and only if you are willing to
share with everyone else, but only cherry flavored. Flying is so much fun.
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| Yippeeekayay, motherfuckers. |
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