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| Acaris excited for his blow job from your mom. |
A study released by the University of Miami (UM) on Friday reports an overwhelming majority of XBox Live users have had sexual relations with your mother. The reported sexual acts range anywhere from forced anal intercourse to oral stimuli such as sucking balls and deep throating.
Study participant Jared Acaris, 11, of Oakland, Calif. said to UM researchers, “I totally piped your fucking mom, faggot! I, like, took her out to a movie, got her drunk, then me and my friend Jasper went to town on some double penetration while watching Adventure Time and pwning noobs in team deathmatch.” When asked if he knew what double penetration meant, Acaris, a member of the infamous ‘N00b R4P3R’ Call of Duty team said, “Whatever, faggot.”
The reported 87 percent of study participants answered with “Complete Confidence” in their claims of having sexual intercourse with your mother, and gave your mom a mean sexual performance rating of “8.4/10.”
The oldest participant in the study, Wilmer Bolsdrop, 15, of Roanoke, Virg. when asked to share his thoughts on the study said, “The study went great. Almost as great as when I butt fucked your mom.” Bolsdrop continued, “I don’t see how this would be hard. Like, my 10 inch dick is so hard right now just thinking about your mom and how she so wants me to jam it down her throat; fucking noob. I will fuck your shit up.” -D.F.
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