New Law Encourages Drunk Driving.

A local resident, clearly enjoying his beer
and excited for the arrival of Lindsay Lohan.

In a land far away, beyond the closet doors that lead to Narnia, and somewhere along the travels of Monty Python and his holy grail, there is another world; a world unknown to the arrogance of the Americans and their beloved Twinkies. One where the legal drinking age is 16, and (yes, it must be a shocker there are other countries in the world besides the United States). This place is one where drinking and driving is being made legal to satisfy the party and rave needs of the elderly, seriously.

In Kilgarvan, Ireland, a bill was passed to legalize drinking and driving and one of the particular reasons was because, ‘driving sober is for wankers’, as quoted in the daily newspaper, ‘The Potato Goat.’ The goal was to create an environment for the people of the town to be more integrated and be able to drink and drive as well as combat isolation and simultaneously lower the suicide rate. However, it seems that a large population of sheep have begun to run rampage on local supermarkets as the new law has lead to less suicides, but increasingly more accidents involving the killing of deer and reportedly, three ostriches. The animal kingdom always strikes back, ask Steve Irwin.

Judge Patrick O’Conor had no comment when asked about these events but was excited to announce that, ‘Lindsey Lohan will be flying in to represent the campaign’, after the local council convinced her that the snow in Ireland was actually cocaine.  This place breeds perfection, and when a local resident whom was at least 90 and bragged wrinkly, flappy, bull-dog like cheek creases on her face was asked what she thought about the new law, Ms. Mary O’Neill simply offered the wise words, ‘Guinness or death, peasants’.